Mega Man… why it sucks?
Yes, it’s true I hate Mega Man. I’ve tried playing it, in fact I’ve played a bunch of them. Recently did a bit of a group LP of Mega Man 2 which I professed my hatred of the series a bit in the first two videos, which resulted in an egotistical jerk tell me to give up on making the LP, cause “saying you hate the game so much doesn’t make it anymore interesting or funny”. My response mentally in my head and here, fuck you, I’m not making it funny or interesting, if a person wishes to watch a LP of Mega Man 2 where the person deep down despises the game so much that he keeps bringing up the fact, okay. I wasn’t making it for you, I was doing it for the hell of it. I still finished it regardless.
Many people will ask why I hate it so much, I will reply with the answer there are several reasons.
First, it’s essentially the same reason why I hate Call of Duty and games like Dragon Lair or Time Gal. All it can be boiled down too, is a trial and error conquest. Okay so here’s an example I’ve encountered playing MM2, I’m climbing up a set of ladders on Clashman’s stage (or crashman, whatever the hell his name is) and you have to jump from one part to the next without falling off, but there’s a little dude that has a helmet on. To kill him you have to shoot him when he looks up, but when he looks ups he’ll fire at you. If you don’t expect it, you’ll fall down to the bottom screen (at least you don’t die, if you did then well then I’d hate it even more) and from there you have to climb back up. After several tries you’ll eventually get it and somehow make it over, how I’m not gonna tell you because I pity those that play this game out of fun curiosity. Another point of trial and error was the final boss. All he does is float around and shoot at you. So what do you do? Fire at him! but wait what’s this? All your useful guns are ineffective against him, so you die try a new gun, die try a new gun, die try a new gun till finally you figure out the most pathetic excuse of a weapon is the only one to hurt him.
Second, the series is like Madden. Nothing new, just the same game rehashed with a bit better graphics. Even the weapons pretty much stay the same, what with the eventual re-use of characters. The only thing new that could come from it is maybe an additional player, I mean in Madden you’ll have different players in the game only because of the seasons change and there are contracts that do end. Needless to say I’d like to Mega Man’s own contract end.
Third, the needless sequels. It’s simple, you want Dr. Wily to stop raising havoc, so what do you need to do? JUST OFF HIM! It’s simple and effective but no, we have to be nice and compliant with letting kids think that he’s just a bad guy who will change his ways in the very end after defeat. I’d like to see Mega Man just once put a bullet through the guys head, ensuring that it will be the very last game ever.
Fourth, the music while some levels have good tunes, the rest are freaking annoying. When the music just makes me want to strangle myself, you know that it’s not a good sign. Sure I can’t knock the NES for having the lack of good sound quality, lord knows that it really didn’t start getting good till SNES came out and by then people payed more attention to the nice music in say a game I can enjoy, like Contra or Castlevania. Mega Man’s own music is just repetitive, to the point of Ricky Martin music. Once it get’s in, it can’t get out… unless you pop some pills to have a freak out and then you may enjoy it, cause you’ll be trippin’ BALLS.
Next is semantics… the words and everything are in ENGRISH, which I normally don’t have a problem with, it just makes it unbearable to withstand when you’re told that this game is good or perfect. Then again, comparing it to another NES game like Nightshade or Ninja Gaiden, which was made around the time Mega Man 2 was made, why couldn’t the translations have been as good. Hell, a simple “you have received Item-1″ would work, then to the next stage.
The cliched bosses is another thing. Oh, he’s in a level surrounded by fire, so I guess I should kill him with water. With a name like Heatman I’m pretty sure any object other then water would not work as well against him so, that’s just asinine.
Finally, Mega Man himself pisses me right off. He’s a robot, but in actuality a boy in blue spandex and helmet. That’s like if my nephew dressed up in a batman costume and ACTUALLY BECAME BATMAN…
I’m done… fuck this game and the series
Oh god… what have I discovered now…
I can’t believe I found something so… look, I can handle a LOT of insane shit. Hell, I’ve survived the arcade sex games only to discover there are more of those arcade games. I gave up on fighting that battle only to discover one of the most messed up hack games on the SNES. It’s called R@pe Game.
Actually, correction, this isn’t a game no matter what the title suggests in fact, I don’t think it qualifies as what the title says it is. It’s more of a BDSM game gone horribly wrong. It starts off with a nice little introduction scene where there is are two characters with a censor bar covering their naughty bits. Then you get the next screen where it informs you that there are three scenarios. The first scenario involves three guys, a whip and butt sex. Let’s leave it at that.
The Second scenario is pretty tame but ultimately not worth mentioning. The final scenario… that’s where the shit hits the storm. It involves a fat lady, a butt plug, a meat cleaver and her husband. Let’s just say her husband uses the meat cleaver on her, for him to get off. It’s very reminiscent of the messed up doujinshi call “Suck” but I digress… not only do I feel this game deserves much more then a simple WTF, it deserves to be obliterated and the creators need to get whacked… I won’t even upload pics for this game, instead if you feel the need to be offended and well, lose whatever stiffy you may have look it up…
You know…
I had a great idea for a blog post this past Monday, but now… it seems to have eluded me… I think it had something to do with SMB, but who knows, though I could use $20, so gimme $20…
Let’s Slay Moonwalker
[youtube 96o0QbsUb-4]
Five Reasons Why Arcade Porn Games Should NOT Exist
It’s friday night… You’re bored, slightly drunk and well… You’ve got a boner the size of a stegosaurus bone and you need to release it. You’ve got three choices, One: call your girlfriend for a friday night sex-fest until saturday morning when you wake up and find the goat you sodomized eating your sheets. Two: You stay in your room and masturbate to the various porn sites, videos and magazines you have stashed away, which might I mention will negate your relationship status unless you hid it well. Or Three: get your jacket, grab your keys and go down to the local arcade to play such award winning games like Miss World Nude ’96, Pachinko Sexy Reaction 1&2 and Wataware Suzume, that will end with you either busting a nut in the arcade or you getting arrested for indecent exposure. Here’s Five reasons why they shouldn’t exist…
Number 1: They are rip-offs of other games
No lie, for the past few days I’ve played Miss World Nude ’96 a lot and aside from the fact that I think god now officially hates me, I’ve come to realize that this game, is essentially Qix. Let’s look at an example
This is the cleanest this game gets
Now you see the common link between these two games? Simply put, you just keep moving and try to avoid getting hit by the moving objects. Apparently some knucklehead out in Japan or hell some random guy out in San Fernando Valley thought it was a good idea to put “porn” stars into this kind of game. Hell if I saw something like this in arcades I’d be interested only for a moment… only for a moment.
Number 2: Apparently Lolicon Anime Chicks are hot, even in arcades.
Don’t get me wrong by this title. I went through the whole Auska/Rei lesbian phase in high school and still have a slight affection for the ecchi and hentai crap, but seriously putting them into an arcade setting was a TERRIBLE idea. Aside from the Mahjong games that are alone hard as hell to understand (even the one in Suikoden IV was a toughie) Japanese game makers thought they would include their solution to casino’s in a porn style setting… with underage looking girls as their Stars. Take Sammy’s Pachinko Sexy Reaction as the main reason why this whole set up is wrong.
Sexy minor indeed
Now this is just a beginning. Initially I had an idea with a title like Pachinko Sexy Reaction, nothing good was going to come from this, and I also had the inkling that I could potentially be charged as a pedo, but seriously? I had to keep playing to see what would happen how bad it was going to get…
All I hear now is Fap fap fap
Surprisingly, it’s not as bad as you would hope, but the concept of it being in arcades just seems odd. I can only imagine a fat sweat otaku sitting in the back, shoveling yen into a machine to keep getting more balls to keep it going, while some kid is standing there trying to figure out why his big 14 year old sister is stripping in an arcade game. This isn’t hot, it’s just… pathetic.
Number 3: The women aren’t real
No seriously, all the women in these games no matter how real you want them TO BE, aren’t real. Even the models from Miss World Nude ’96 are in fact cheaply photoshopped onto fake bodies. For example: They have Jenna Jameson’s head on a poorly drawn animated body. I’d show you the picture I have of this example but let’s just say the guys at Usebombs would probably murder me for it. Instead, I’ll just give you a photo of Jenna Clothed.
guy's Fantasy since the 90's
Number 4: Energy and Money Needed
Okay look, I know porn is a “decent” substitute for not getting laid by your girlfriend or at least a quickie, but when the most amount of energy to get the porn needed should be a click of a mouse, it shouldn’t be you having to go down the street to the local porn store, go in to the arcade section and pump the machine full of quarters. That’s insane, and on the off chance that you do go there and play these games, you have to win… I’ve spent four hours playing Miss World Nude ’96 and in that time I only saw four naked women. Wanna see what I did get?
Friggen Freddy Kreuger
Yes… I got that freak of nature more then anything. Imagine seeing that in a dimly lit porn shop. Instant stiffy? Nope. Instead I’m afraid my dick will fall off, and this is only if you keep pumping money into the machine long enough to get this far.
Number 5: You’re in a public place
Okay so I played these games on a MAME, but needless to say I can’t imagine a guy going into a local place beating his meat to these games. It just doesn’t make sense. In fact, who thought it was a good idea to even MAKE these games arcade games. At least Bubble Bath Babes and Peek-A-Boo Poker was a console and you could sit in your parents basement whacking off to it, but this is in a public place. You’d get arrested for it…
The more money spent, the more likely you will die alone this chart proves it
That’s that… I guess all I have to do now is delete my hard drive from these games so that I never have to play them again and get the FBI on my ass…
Three Things Series: Episode 1 Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-Z6xBijELA
You’re 35 and you’re dating a girl in high school… score
So in my recent trip home from the luxurious mountain range known as the Adirondacks, and I decide that I needed to go out and see what’s changed around my old haunts, usually meaning the Barne’s and Noble’s, Target, All the Syracuse Gamestops and of course Great Northern Mall. (Screw Carousel… it’s overrated and sinking into a cess pool of a city) So, by the time I hit Great Northern, I’m starving my ass off. I have the desire for some Taco Bell, which I must say has the tastiest artificial beef in the world. I’m standing in line and it’s long which isn’t anything new, I mean you goto Great Northern and don’t expect anything better then Chinese or the Friendlies… though Wetzel Pretzel is frigging amazing.
Friggen AMAZING
So, anyways, I’m standing in line and getting my order ready, since I like to be prepared for it and I notice a couple of kids in front of me. The guy is about my age if not older, so I’m going to age him around 24 to be safe. (His number of Tattoos gave it away) The girl, she looked like she was about 13 or 14 and acted like she was still in elementary school. So you get the picture that I’m thinking “well they must be brother and sister and he’s taking her out for some T. Bell before he goes to school” Much to my surprise after they order their food, he turns and OPEN MOUTH KISSES HER. No lie, I saw so much tongue and mouth play that I nearly forgot to order my volcano nacho’s and had to sit down for a moment.
What's wrong with this Picture?
So I get my food and just had to sit and think for a moment. What is with older guys getting a boner for girls that are about half their age. I mean, thinking about it, an ex of mine is now “dating” a guy who’s about 35, two kids and still lives with his ex. (I quote dating because it’s one of those FWB situations and she honestly hopes he’ll be the one) That’s another story for another time, but I’d also like to point out that a person I know is “Engaged” to a guy who’s 26/27 currently… she’s 19.
Okay sure I guess love knows no age limit, that’s why I’d be fine dating someone at least 4 years to my senior, but I just find it shockingly odd for a guy to want to date a girl who was in elementary school when he was a senior in High school. Sure, you hit 18 and legally you’re of age to screw, f**k, suck and corn-hole whatever you want, but it just seems odd to me that a guy (or woman) would go down 10 years to just… I dunno get some booty and hopefully find the right girl.
In my experience though, I’d rather not go down to that level if only because I know that a majority of those girls are still children. Granted I’m practically 21 but I follow the 4 year rule for younger people, but even then it’s questionable. Older people… even then I’m not going to go after a 40+ woman (unless it’s for money) like I said, I’d go as far as 24 if not 30 max. But that’s pending if I truly fall for them, but since I’ve figured I’m a cynical bastard, I’m all out of luck for that one 
Needless to say, finishing my Taco Hell made me have explosive gas, so I decided to pull a normal college student and take care of my trash by the “love couple” in the slowest fashion, giving them a taste of my own special kind of love. Then it was time for the Arcade… whoooo boy can’t wait to tell you what happened next…
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED
What Turns me on about the Red Lipped Lilly Locker
What is that makes this creature so damn sexy? Is it the fact that it’s got big luscious lips, those chapped legs or is it the fact that if you smear peanut butter anywhere on your body, this little anthropomorphic dynamo will lick it off you, making you completely clean? Who knows but this little mink is something that almost no man can resist. Women on the other hand, it’s even better for them! They can carry these guys in their purses.
Sorta like this... only less creepy
Now in order to attract a Red Lipped Lilly Locker is one of those tricky situations. You can’t just come out and hope to catch one like your neighbors cat while in heat. You have to be strategic, first you lay face down on the ground with your pants off. Then have partner in crime (not a frat buddy) be brave and pour honey all over your back and put vegimite between your toes. Then we play the waiting game.
After ten hours of waiting, two hobos urinating on you and some 6 foot 4 Muscular Australian Dude come over and try to nibble on your toes, you should be lucky in discovering this little beauty purring at your side. Don’t ask why, it just happens.
All the Calogen in the world
So now you have the RLLL captured and now you want to train it to do all your Bestiality pleasures to it. Well that’s the easy part. Since it doesn’t have any teeth you won’t get bitten and since it has an immunity to rabies, no strange infections or stomach shots… It’s a win win situation. That is, unless you capture one that has already been trained, which in that case you’re opening up yourself to a whole lot of new diseases, ones that even I would never wish upon… no wait I would wish them upon my enemies and some ex’s. (Since I am that bitter and jaded)
Well I wish you fellow RLLL fans out there the best of luck and I hope you get a clean fresh RLLL in the future. Because if you don’t you’re wang will shrivel up and fall off, your nipples explode and god save you if you live long enough to survive the horrible HORRIBLE anal evacuation from a used Red Lipped Lilly Lockers. It’s just terrible I swear!
The effect of a Used Lilly Locker